The Many Shades of Sue
by Maran Zelde
Summary: If you love poetry and hate Mary Sues, this is a must read. My fourth poem is dedicated to all you new IZ fans. Welcome and don't take it personally.
1. A Sue and Her Powers

  
  
  
  
**A Sue and Her Powers**   
  
  
Hello my friends, I'm Mary Sue.   
I know you'll love the things I do!   
  
I can be a prophetess,   
Or perchance a scientist.   
I can be a psychic too,   
And change my eyes from green to blue.   
Then when I become irate,   
I make my eyes glow red with hate!   
I can also read your mind.   
There's not a secret I can't find.   
Or I can have magic powers,   
Turning parsley into flowers.   
I can fulfill a prophesy   
And make characters OOC.   
This last thing is what I do best,   
Besides raping canon with no regrets.   
  
So give three cheers for Mary Sue,   
There's not a thing that I can't do!   
  
  
  
A/N: This is part of a series of poems that mock Mary Sues. Some of them will be generic like this one, others will be more specific to IZ (like poems about Invader Sues, new co-Tallest, and the like). I hope you enjoyed this installment; the next one will be up soon. 


	2. Scary Sue

A/N: I seem to have gotten quite a response.   
Kake, you bring up some good points. I agree that Mary Sues are baby steps of beginning writers. I myself have written a couple of Sue stories (though they're not on the internet). We could debate all day about the definition of creativity (trust me, I've done it in art class), but the fact is that Mary Sues are done to death. My intent is not to criticize writers, but to criticize the _character_, as well as make people laugh. Also, I should mention that most professional writers face much worse criticism than this.   
Pzx:WPI, most self-inserions actually _are_ Mary Sues (though not all of them; I have read some good self-inserts), and not all Mary Sues make a character fall in love with them. If you're still confused, go to a search engine like google and type "mary sue" in the search box. I don't feel like explaining it; this A/N is already too long.   
Disclaimer: I don't own Zim, Dib, 'Nny, Irk, or any other Vasquez-related things.   
  
  
  
**Scary Sue**   
  
  
Greetings from a scary Sue.   
I do not mean to bother you.   
No, wait a minute, yes I do,   
For I am evil through and through.   
  
No one can understand me,   
Not even my true luv, Zimmy.   
No, make that Dib, or maybe 'Nny.   
I really can't decide, you see.   
  
Though I scare, males think I'm hot,   
While females all want me to rot.   
I'm a mysterious little snot.   
Am I a human being or not?   
  
No one knows and no one cares,   
So that is all that I will share.   
Say aloha if you dare;   
I must be off to dye my hair.   
  
  
  



	3. That's What Sues Do

Songfic based on No Secrets' "That's What Girls Do"   
  
  
  
**That's What Sues Do**   
  
  
You ask me why   
I have to wear the coolest clothes (yeah)   
You ask me how   
I beat all of my enemies (and foes)   
You ask how I can be so dull and sickening.   
It's just a Sue thing... Why can't you let it go?   
You can't comprehend   
So I'm giving you a clue...   
  
CHORUS   
That's what Sues do!   
We're annoying the whole day through.   
Go through the motions so the cliches can ensue.   
That's what Sues do.   
(That's what Sues do)   
  
You ask me how   
I can get all of the good men (yeah)   
You ask why I   
Retread the same old plots again (yeah)   
You look for different ways to stop my ego trip.   
I gotta tell you... I don't give a flip.   
You criticize me but   
It doesn't change what's true...   
  
CHORUS   
  
  
  



	4. Song of the Newbie Fan

  
  
  
  
**Song of the Newbie Fan**   
  
  
I borrowed a DVD from a friend   
(Who has a green doggie purse)   
And on it was this neat cartoon show   
That with laughter made me burst.   
  
After watching three or four episodes   
I think I've become obsessed.   
I would like to express my love for Zim   
But which way would be the best?   
  
I could buy all of the cool merchandise   
But Hot Topic creeps me out.   
I could draw pictures, but I suck at art--   
I can't even draw a cloud!   
  
But what about this fan fiction stuff   
I've heard a little about?   
It sounds like fun! I could try my hand   
At putting my writing out.   
  
I'll make my story a juicy romance   
'Cuz Zim sooooo needs a girlfriend!   
Someone who's ever so perfect for him,   
A sweet Irken I'll call Wen.   
  
And--I know! Her SIR could hook up with GIR   
Now that would be really sweet!   
He'd make for her some taquito things   
With a lot of extra meat.   
  
But what about Dib? He's real lonely too   
He needs some loving kindness.   
How about a girl with a tragic past   
And temporary blindness?   
  
And oh! the Tallest must have girlfriends too,   
Some smart and thin and tall ones   
Who have names like Amethyst and Cherry   
And bright eyes shaped like almonds.   
  
My fanfic will be so wonderful   
I know people will love it   
And if they don't, well, they're just jealous   
So I'll tell them to shove it!   
  
  
  
Long A/N of Confession: I'm not picking on newbie fanfic authors . . . Well, okay, I am, but I'm doing it while remembering what it was like to be a newbie (although, when I was a new IZ fan all the other fans were in the same boat--the series had just started!) But anyway, I remember concocting Sue and Stu characters that I actually thought would improve the fandom. Here are the three most memorable. I'll spare you the names.   
1) A boy about three years younger than Dib who became his sidekick. He was always armed with a Nerf gun.   
2) A cute little girl of Asian descent who lived next door to Zim and hung out with Gir.   
These OC's may not sound all that bad, but trust me, they were annoying. However neither of them compare to:   
3) A paranormal girl who mistook Dib for an alien and creepily stalked him. And she was _Iggins' sister_ of all things, yet she was thin and normal looking. I hang my head in shame. But, a less Sueish version of her appears in "The Truth, or Something Like It," demonstrating that some characters can be salvaged with some tweaking (that was pretty much a throw-away fic that never went anywhere, but some people liked it).   
Well, I'm rather glad I got that off my chest, and I hope that you realize now, if you didn't before, that when I write these poems I'm mocking myself a little. I'm poking fun at the selfish desires and immature fantasies common to us all. Because I'm sure everyone here has had their own Mary Sue (or Marty Stu) fantasies at one time in their lives. 


End file.
